In response...

**disclaimer**this blog is entirely tongue-in-cheek. If you are easily offended, please don't read it. I'm trying my best to keep in touch, because I want to, but I'm having a hard time handling phone calls and the same comments/questions over and over without tears. I hope this makes you laugh and gives you enough of an update to please you. **disclaimer**

I decided to start this in response to some phone calls I've been getting and comments I get when I'm out and about these days. I'd like to answer some common questions and keep everyone informed, as well. Here goes:

Yes, I am definitely a hormonal pregnant woman. I have always been a hair sensitive to hormones and those that accompany pregnancy seem to grip me by the throat and shake me around violently, causing me to be less than a stellar friend, wife and mother. I try, please believe I try. If you are victim to my hormonal imbalance, please accept my apologies in advance.

Yes, I am happy, despite my hormonal rages. We are thrilled to be welcoming our newest member to our home, HOPEFULLY SOON.

No, I have not "had that baby yet." My daughter can confirm this for you, because she asks every single morning. She has also been praying every morning for our newest arrival to show his/her face. I think this is the most comforting thing I've encountered and if you all can pray for the same, I'd appreciate it.

Yes, I am "still pregnant." See the picture for proof of this answer. My husband would definitely let you know if I were not still pregnant, as I'm sure he's ready for it all to be over, too!

Yes, I know what kind of nocturnal bedtime Olympics can induce labor. If it can be done and done naturally, I have tried it. I will not be giving in to castor oil, however. No, none of my methods has worked yet, didn't work when I was pregnant with GraceAnne, either.

Am I nesting? Well, if that includes the strong urge to sleep, sit on my butt and eat whatever comes close to me while being totally PO'ed that my house is a wreck--Yes. I am nesting. If that means I should have super-human energy and strength and my baseboards are scrubbed, then the answer is No.

Why yes--my belly really has popped! I'd suspect that by week 39 it should have done that, but thank you for the observation. I feel like a huge cow, so please no comments on the "all baby" "baby in the butt" or anything containing the words "huge" "big" "enormous" or "monstrous." Please do not find a thesaurus to look up clever words that mean the same...I will probably be less than impressed at your attempt to be humorous at this time.

I am officially due April 25th, (read: Friday...Allan's birthday), and I surely hope we have a baby on that day. Until then I'm probably not going to answer my phone or go into public at all. After then, if there is still no baby, I will definitely not be answering my phone or going into public!