It has been entirely too long since I came over here to post something and not a day goes by that I don't write about 3 blog posts in my head. I've been terrible about getting things down, though.
I feel worn out. I have a lot going on, to be sure, but they're all fabulous and completely worthwhile. Truthfully, I'm not sure any of the stuff I have to do is making me tired...I'm convinced it's simply that I take too much of what people say onto myself.
For example, I leave garden class feeling invigorated and happy. I feel like I'm advancing God's kingdom after my parenting class. I feel pretty good about most homeschool and general home stuff.
But man...this week...let me find out that family members have been talking behind our back about how we should NOT adopt or how we don't discipline our children correctly and BLAM! I feel like I got hit by a mack truck.
This weekend Allan and I attended a conference called Empowered to Connect. It was an absolutely amazing program put together by the Tapestry ministry at Irving Bible Church. It was all about how to really reach our foster/adoptive children by making them feel safe and loved. There was so much information, I couldn't possibly condense it all here. Please check out the websites and if you are considering foster/adoption or if you have already become a foster family/adopted a child (or 10) or if you are close to someone who is fostering/adopting PLEASE consider going to an event or at least purchasing the book, The Connected Child.
Beyond just adoptive and foster families, I would say anyone who has a child "from harm" could benefit from this program. I was dumbfounded as I sat there and realized how much of what they were saying was me, in a nutshell. If you have a child who rages or has sensory issues or is violent, check the book out. Dr. Purvis (from TCU here in Fort Worth) has worked with children of all ages and young adults and these people become functioning members of society (and their families!) by taking her holistic approach. (No drugs, not treatment facilities, just connecting and changing the actual brain chemistry with those connections!) I can't tell you how blessed my family will be by the information we got there. My husband even said, "If we never adopt, and I want to-I feel equipped now-the information we learned is invaluable for our bio kids."
So about that being hit by a mack truck. I'm not sure I've shared, but God has shown me that some of the adoptive children He has for our family will be children of color. As I research mixed race families, I'm finding things that scare me. I am hyper-sensitive to off-color remarks people we're around make. I am becoming less and less sure of what it is I know we are getting into. And all the while I look to God and say, "are you sure? Can we really do this?" And He says, "If I give it to you to do...you can do it in Me." And then this week He allows me to hear several times that many of our family members are unsupportive and pretty much think we're nuts. Then I walk in on a conversation about my own daughter. And all these things have devastated me and I feel SO.ALONE. I have clung to Allan the last week, just soaking up the fact that no one *gets* us and that we might not have anyone who really supports us.
But this evening, chatting with my sister-in-law, who is so amazingly loving and a life-line I really couldn't do without, I realized that God is showing me that I'm still looking for others' approval above His. That I'm being discouraged by what they say, rather than uplifted by what He says. And He's reminding me that if He sends us on a mission, He will provide...financially, sure, but also emotionally, spiritually and relationally. He will send people who will be sensitive and loving. He will send the money. He will send courage and strength so long as we look to Him as the source of those things.
I am asking, (maybe begging) that you pray for my family. We have so many changes coming up and just because God will bring the people, the money and the courage, doesn't mean that the path will be easy or without pain. I ask you to pray that we always have the wearwithall to look UP. Pray for what He would have you do in the lives of people you know who are walking this journey. Just pray.
I miss you all so very much and I pray you are blessed beyond belief!