How do I write my heart? It's broken right now, but I know full well it's only for a small time. God will renew me and I'll mount up on wings like eagles again. But for right now, I'm just sad. Momentum was fantastic and all summer everything was going so quickly, all on its own. Then as soon as we had something to do for ourselves, we started hitting brick walls-again.
Notice that? No, it's not lost on me. When we leave it all up to God, it gets accomplished. When we start doing things on our own, we grow weary and broken-hearted.
Don't get me wrong-there have been so many victories in this. People have stepped up to the plate to help us and we are so incredibly grateful. I just need to remember where my help comes from.
And I need to rest. All three of the kids and I are sick. Head colds, I guess, but we're all miserable and kinda grouchy and very tired.
The pastor at the church we've been attending preached on Sunday about some steps to following Christ. He played a video clip about a family who got lost in a corn maze and dialed 911 to come rescue them. In the video, people were pretty incredulous and gave people tips on how to get through the maze.
1. Listen for the cars...the end of the maze is near the parking lot, so just listen for the cars and walk that way.
2. Look up at the treeline.
3. (Pastor's addition) Walk straight through the corn.
When you're walking through a maze and you keep hitting dead ends, it's easy to just throw your hands up, sit down, weep and get ready to call 911. But then it's time to find your horizon. My Horizon is Christ and too often I get my marching orders and then I'm like, "OH! I can do *this* to get to that place!" Maybe "this" is what I'm supposed to do and maybe it's not, but I have been guilty of looking at the treeline, finding North and looking back down to figure out how I can navigate the terrain to get to North. Then I feel discouraged when ONE.MORE.TIME. I'm stuck.
My marching orders right now are to take GraceAnne to school. Then go to the recycle center. Then to come home and nurse these sick babies. Past that, I don't know. And I guess that's how it should be and I guess that's going to have to be okay. Type A personality, be damned. Literally.