I have been using this mantra with myself over and over again.  Onedayatatime.  People say that all the time, but do we ever stop to think about what it really means?  I thought it was cute, but idealistic.  Who can really live one day at a time?  We need to plan for things, we need to prepare. 

Last week I felt broken. I don't understand some things.  I don't understand why the momentum on the adoption front was so great and then it felt like it just stopped.  I don't understand why my little man has to have another surgery on  his eye.  I don't understand why some companies have to treat their employees like crap and then lie about it so they don't get into trouble.  I don't understand why we can't take the kids to do fun things or buy the things we need to buy as soon as we need them.  I don't understand why so many of my friends have moved on when I'm still right in the thick of missing them.

So in my exhaustion, I talked to God and I told Him, fine.  I will do this one day at a time.  But that phrase had a new meaning.  It means me looking around and asking God, "What do You have for me to do today."  Somedays that means picking up after little people and being sure there's a meal on the table at night.  Somedays that means doing some planning ahead-like meal planning or grocery shopping or asking for a sitter while Corbin's having his surgery.

It's amazing, because I feel like I have so much more time.  Sometimes when I'm still and quiet, I can hear Him say, "Go watch a video with Corbin and Violet."  It's something I did automatically with GraceAnne because I was so sick when she was little, but I don't do it as often with these two.  So I listen and I feel so blessed to have these amazing little people in my life.  The whole day goes more smoothly and the stresses seem to lift.

Tomorrow has its own worries, and we have plenty of reason to be concerned with tomorrow, but we have so much more reason to take hope in today!  God is good and He will not fail us, even when we don't understand. 

What do I have to do for today?

Make a menu plan
Get the littles dressed
Grocery shop
Possibly go to Target for some tennis shoes
Pick GraceAnne up from school
Get dinner on the table.
Pray with my family...many times
Find something to do to make all my loved ones feel loved.
Get lots of rest so this cold will heal.

How about you?  What do you have to do for today?


Gayle said...

Today... I got three kids off to school and now... clean the mess from 7 teenage girls sleeping over, plan a Cub Scout den meeting, several loads of laundry, mail packages, put 4 dogs in and out and in and out (LOL), get straw for the chicken coop, feed/water chickens, rabbit, sheep & animals in the house, prepare dinner, pick-up my son, help write a paper for English w/ bibliographies and all that stuff, clean the plant room so I can store my nieces furniture so we can start using the wood stove, start cleaning another room in the house... and that's where I'll stop. There's much more to do, but that's really all I feel like doing today. I'm tired after the weekend so I'm going to take it easy. :)

My point is.... life is life and you just have to roll with it. So things don't work out the way you want them to. You just have to deal with it and move on. It's like that for all of us. You are fortunate in so many ways.... you have friends who babysit for free where I always have to pay. You have people giving you money so you can have another child and I can't imagine asking for/getting donations like that. We'd all be millionaires if we could buy what we wanted when we wanted it. Maybe it should be more about if we need it or not. We all want to go do things with our kids that is fun, but sometimes the fun just has to be made at home because entertainment does cost. My son seems to be one walking medical bill... I still owes tens of thousands for his accident, now he has a fractured leg and high blood pressure we have to figure out. All those things make me sad, too, and I don't want them happening, but it is what it is (that's my saying).

I read a quote today that said "If you spent less time bitching about your life, possibly you'd enjoy it more". I printed it off for my fridge to remind me all day long that things could always be worse... I need to spend more time happy and less time complaining. Afterall... I am in control of my own emotions so I should chose to be miserable.

Gayle said...

** I meant to say "so I should chose to NOT be miserable".

Tara said...

You are right, Gayle. We are well blessed. I'm sorry I haven't properly conveyed that. I am trying to be very real-showing my hurts and disappointments but the hope that is in them all.

To be real clear, I'm not talking about merely wants. I'm not saying I wish I could go buy a fur coat and get the kids a pony. I'm saying I was upset that we can't just go buy a USED diningroom table so we can eat inside the house without sitting on a table cloth on the floor. Or that I could just go buy myself some tennis shoes before it gets to cold to wear my slip-ons...the only shoes I have right now.

Even considering those things, we are so well blessed it's ridiculous. Being in God's will is the only place to be, and that is why we will trudge through the not so comfortable and experience the glory inside of it all.

We are experts at rolling with the punches, but sometimes I like to write it out on my blog to see if we can help others in the same situation.

You have been very productive today, as always. I'm glad for you.

Stephanie Cawthron said...

Tara, I love you so very much. I love your heart. I love your spirit. I love and admire the way you are with your family! I actually think it's sad that some are unable to recognize that in you, or the true heart of your post. It shows clearly that many of us haven't had the support that we need, as women, as daughters, as mothers need so that we could more readily accept and admit that we need help, much less that it is okay to ask. Thank you for posting what you did. I love your transparency, and appreciate your example so much in my own life. I think your post is a beautiful reflection of where you are in your journey, and I really appreciate your honesty. It really helps me to see that though my life is far from perfect, I am not alone. Yours is a great example of how important it is to be vulnerable, to ask for help, and to lead life by example to others. You, my dear sister and friend, are beautiful and amazing.