Wow, our baby is 2 months old! She hardly seems, (or looks!), like a newborn anymore. She's smiling to beat the band, laughing, wiggling A LOT and likes to try to sit up. She thinks she's big and at 13lb 2.5oz she fits the bill for sure!!
So...after 2 months, I'm not so traumatized and I can even take a joke about getting pregnant again. Until this afternoon...Violet was straining so hard trying to fart, I guess. She was crying and fussing and pushing and turning red. In that instant I remembered the sheer horror of giving birth and I have been hurting ever since. What on earth was I thinking?! How did I allow myself to forget?! I promised myself on May 1 I would never forget the agony of childbirth and here I am--2 short months later--SMILING at newborns again?! Say it ain't so.
God has a funny way of making us feel okay with procreation. I think back on life before Violet and it seems she was always there. I remember specific times when I was doing things while pregnant, (Thanksgiving dinner, shopping with Marie and the kids, going to prenatal appointments), and I don't remember having a belly or being pregnant or even being kicked from inside. Of course I *know* these things happened. I *know* I relished the time and tried so hard to savor the moments and lock them in my mind. I *know* I complained about being uncomfortable and tired...but I just don't really recollect exactly how it was. And I'm shaking my head at myself that I am suddenly "okay" with the idea of doing it all again. WTH is wrong with me?