**this post will probably be a hair more graphic than most of the ones I've written in the past, but it needs to be put out there**
To my loving OB.
For your information, I am not a vagina with legs. (Furthermore, if I *were* a vagina with legs, I would still be DIFFERENT from every other vagina with legs that you look at on a regular basis). I am actually a human being with my own feelings and belief system. I'm sure that in your umpteen years of baby-catching you've seen some crazy and even disastrous situations, but I'm willing to bet, from day-to-day, your job is fairly boring. It boils down to this as why...
ULTIMATELY, IN THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS, THIS BABY BIRTHING BUSINESS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!!
I'm sorry if that upsets you to the point that you have to make snarky comments to me, but I'm really okay with it. In fact, it comforts me that I don't have to leave the most basic and natural of "bodily functions" completely to someone else. So for the record:
1. You do NOT need to cover your own butt by putting a hep-lock in my hand. If there is an emergency I will be perfectly still and I happen to have FABULOUS veins for sticking.
2. I do NOT need a bag of fluids *just in case.* On the contrary, I will be drinking just as much water as I need to consume. I know my body better than your needle does.
3. You do NOT need to give me a shot of pitocin when it's all over to get me to birth my placenta *just in case* No...I just birthed a baby and I think I can handle the placenta on my own, too. In fact, I've done it twice before.
4. Your hospital does NOT have to take my baby away from me for 2 hours. And let me just say very vehemently it will NOT HAPPEN! It will NOT be a welcome break after the "trauma" of birth, nor will it be an opportunity for anyone to look him over. Anyone who wants to look my son over can come into my room and do it with me there.
5. Your hospital does NOT need me to stay for 12-24 hours afterward. I'm going to eat, drink and pee 2x and then I'm out. I have children at home who are MUCH more lovely to me than the nurses and staff at the hospital.
I understand that all of these things are precautionary measures to be sure that no one can sue the pants off of you. I also know they are placed under the guise of the medical community actually giving a rat's behind about me and my son. Let me let you in on a tiny secret, though...
PEOPLE WHO ARE HAPPY WITH THEIR HEALTHCARE AND FEEL LISTENED TO, HEARD, APPRECIATED AND ACCEPTED DO NOT SUE THEIR DOCTORS!!!
I could *almost* understand if I was some idealist first-time mom who had no clue about childbirth, but I am on my 4th pregnancy and 3rd live-birth and I would like to say that qualifies me, (because I have made it a qualification by reading and researching, not just for the simple fact that I've popped babies out), to know exactly what I need and want from you. Last I checked MY insurance company will be cutting YOU the check, which makes ME the boss in my own healthcare.
I am sorely disappointed by the medical community in this pregnancy, (I suppose that's obvious??). I have had two completely natural, (no hep-locks or anything, *GASP!!*), childbirths and I would like to do it again. Does that *really* make me crazy? Does that *really* qualify people to make stupid comments to me? I'm not in denial. I'm aware the 5 percent of pregnancies end in emergencies. Just let me have a little faith in the Lord that He's brought me this far and He will continue to provide just the type of birth I want.
Do I want hands-off care? No. I'd like to be doted on, talked to, etc. But I do want to be LISTENED to and when I ask you to take your hands off of me, PLEASE DO SO.
Alright...I've rambled enough. I have to drop the kids off at school. I want everyone who doesn't already know this to realize that this is YOUR body and YOUR birth. Barring any serious complications, they CANNOT do anything to you that you don't want them to. Women have been giving birth for millennia and most of that was before the medical community descended upon childbirth like a bunch of vultures. Your body was DESIGNED to give birth. It's as natural as pooping for us. I am in major appreciation for what the medical community has done to increase the odds of those who need them, but speaking for the rest of us, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!