So it turns out that when your husband takes his carload of crap and then you bring your carload of crap and one of you deploys...2 carloads of crap become one. Thankfully we had transported a lot of what we needed to store when we came to Kansas for Corbin's appointment with the surgeon in August, but that still left a lot of hubby's things that needed to be stored. We were cram-packed into this truck this trip. The last 2 days at the lakehouse, I resigned myself to having no semblance of order whatsoever and took on the mindset of, "GET IT IN THERE."
**Side note**Thanks to this mentality, when I let the 9-year-old be responsible to pack clothes, she forgot the pants...so we all looked like hobos in dirty pants the entire trip because I couldn't find the rest of our clothes. Rockin' job, eh?
Our first stop was only an hour south of the lakehouse because it was Halloween and we wanted to Trick-or-Treat, so we used the opportunity to visit with a friend one last time. The kids had a blast and I realized we need to do more "training" for Disney than I had previously expected. I was WORN OUT after about 45 minutes in that busy mall.
The next day was another power-through and we made it to St Louis, where we had the most terrible food experiences of the week. We didn't even get to eat until 9:30pm (not for lack of trying!) Gluten-free living on the road has got to get easier. I couldn't find a Super Target to save my life, even with my app! But, literally the ENTIRE DAY we had skies like this:
The day ended on a good note with this to "come home" to.
Today has been mixed. This morning was awesome, as a couple of friends let us use their washer and dryer and even left me coffee (they *do* love me!)
The real problem with the questionnaire is that it makes me realize how hard things ARE. I mean, yeah, I know, I do live this life afterall, but to just lay it all out there and to score it is a big slap in the face. I deal because I have to and I'm good at it by anyone's account. I know how to handle pressure. But to see it all on a piece of paper and face the reality of what the doctor is thinking when she looks at it is difficult.
By the time we finally got out of there and headed down for the labs she ordered (oh yeah...I was there for physical problems! I had forgotten) the kids were just OVER it. I was mad at them at the time, but I can't really blame them. This is one of the hardest times of their lives, they just spent 3 days in a car and now they get to sit in doctors offices for hours? Not so fun. So I wasn't able to get the x-ray she ordered, but I did manage to get the blood drawn.
On the way home I may have had a meltdown and it may have been pretty ugly. I have since made up with the kids and we had a really great evening together full of lots of bonding, but something has to give. I feel as if I'm under a tremendous pressure and I miss my husband desperately. I don't "fit" anywhere because he is deployed, yet he is a government contractor/retired military. I want community, but I don't want to be social. Everything seems very *hard* right now.
Per the suggestion of a good friend who talked me down off the "I'm the worst mother on earth" ledge, I am going to make a list of what I got done today. And tomorrow we will take it one task at a time (please pray, Violet has her autism assessment tomorrow...it's going to be a very long, hard day) and if the kids eat take-out and go to bed without washed hair, as long as there were no mommy melt-downs, I will consider it a success.
Today was a success because:
- I got to cuddle Corbin before the girls woke up
- I managed to make breakfast (eggs) and coffee and get everyone dressed and ready to do laundry with minimal fussing
- We did enough laundry to get us through the next few days
- We made it to the doctor's office on time
- I was able to get my blood drawn and UA done
- I calmed down enough to make it home and called a friend
- We went for a walk and talked to the property manager and saw lots of animals
- We dropped daddy's stuff off at storage, repacked the entire thing and got out sheets because we found out today linens are not provided
- I actually saved the sheets (okay, so this happened months ago, but I was pretty stoked! I was not looking forward to buying more)
- We ate a hot, organic dinner at home(pre-made tamales from Whole Foods, OH.MY.YUM!)
- The kids all got bathed and lotioned
- We made the beds
- We read a story
- We talked nicely to each other all morning and all evening
- The kids went to bed happy and feeling loved
- I wrote a blog post
So this turned into something I didn't intend for it to be, but there it is. I hope you're having a good night and that you found some encouragement today.